Něco pro zasmání

black smileI dnes na spoustě stránek najdeme hlášky typu: „Optimalizováno pro IE 5.5+“. Bohužel je tomu tak. Na stránkách toastytech.com, jsem objevil seznam nejlepších hlášek tohoto typu. Hlašky jsou anglicky a některé opravdu stojí za přečtení.


We are (not really) sorry, our page only works in IE 5.0 or higher.

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This web
page requires IE 6 or higher because MS paid us a lot of money.

 

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This
page is best experienced in MSIE 5.5. We will give you an electric shock
each time you visit our page with any other web browser. Why? Because we
hate you.

 

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The
site is best viewed in Internet Explorer because I am too lazy  to
test it in anything else.


This
site has been visited by 0041748 people I don’t care about

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This page requires IE because it uses
Active X controls because we follow in the steps of the almighty Bill Gates. 

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Baw, you need a Microsoft Browser to see my pukey
page!

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This site is designed
to work exclusively in MSIE 4 and higher. MSIE is the standard web browser.
(„Standard“ meaning a mandatory requirement that we will shove down your
throat). Failure to use the browser we dictate will result in painful death.

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This
page is specifically designed for the broken functionality of Microsoft
Internet Explorer. We can not be bothered to validate our HTML or look
at the page in another browser.

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This site only looks right in IE 5.5 SP2, at 800*600
resolution with 24bit color using a full size window, and the default toolbars
all showing. The Verdona and Georgia fonts must be present. Your browser
font size must be set to medium. Your windows appearance settings must
be set to „windows default“. The wind must be blowing from the south.

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This page ONLY works in IE 5.01. (Although
it actually works in anything, I just like IE 5.01 for some reason… mmmm….
Bill is my master…)

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The CrapyCrapCor home page is best viewed on my
computer with my IE because I can’t grasp the concept that a web page looks
slightly different on every single computer.

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This page is best viewed in IE 4. Unless you don't
like the stupid IE tricks we use on this page.

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We only support Microsoft
Internet Explorer. We are such a bunch of jerks we think we can make the
rest of the world use the same thing we do by refusing access to our site
to those who choose to use other web browsers.

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Really! Our page
isn’t broken… it’s advaaanced. Get IE 6 or else.

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We here never heard of no Ohpra browser or
Net-escape. We dun use that Innernet Explorer thing. Meby you shud use
that. 

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<BR>

<!-- Well, this site probably only
looks right in MSIE 4.01 because I am actually being held hostage by the
IT department here and that is all those bastards gave me to use. HELP!
-->

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This page requires IE 6, and therefore
will not work on Windows 95!

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Hey look at us! We are completely denying access to everything other
than IE 5 because one little table on our site is slightly out of alignment
on other browsers!

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This page works best
if you have MSIE 6,  Windows XP, Office XP, and all of the other latest
Microsoft products because Microsoft is good.


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HTTP Error 666

Microsoft Internet Explorer not
found.

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Bill, Bill, Bill… We love Bill. You
need Bill to see our page. You will love Bill too. Bill is wonderful.

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Business?! Weeeee don’t need no stenkin‘
business from any Mozilla user!

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STOP!
You must have Microsoft Internet Explorer to view this page. We have done
all kinds of retarded non-standard IE only tricks just to be cool. And
to piss you off.

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This page is written using
Microsoft Front Page so it only looks right in MSIE. Please have mercy
and shoot me.

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Infidel!
You have not conformed to the great Microsoft way! Download Microsoft Internet
Explorer at once and rejoice in the glory that is Microsoft! Hail Bill
Gates!

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A Netscape user!?
We don’t want your kind here because we are a bunch of fucking browser
bigots. Go away.

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This site is best viewed with Idiot Exploiter and
we are going to pop this message up on


each page to make you feel like you are an idiot
for using that non-MS browser. Long live the Microsoft Empire!

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This web site is designed
for Intornut Expierer – It’s not even vaguely valid HTML!

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This site was proudly designed
in Micfort Runtpage AKA The HTML Cuizinart
– g
ood luck viewing our page
with anything other

than IE! Or even WITH IE for that matter!

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If you can read this
then you are already using MSIE because this page freaking crashes other
browsers.

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SITE
POLICY:


Our site policy requires
you to use MSIE 5.0 or later to view our site. Failure to comply with this
policy is punishable by up to 5 years in prison.

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WARNING! We have detected that you
are using a NETSCAPE browser im going to be a complete shit and yell and
scream and not let you view this site because I’m a jackwad and I’m going
to make you use IE.


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I think you need
to use IE. I THINK you need to use IE. I THINK you need to use IE!

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This page requires
MSIE 6 or better.
Of course anything is better than IE
and… hu?
Oh, ALL HAIL BILL GATES!

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This page is 100% valid
MSHTML. We guarantee it will only view in MSIE. 

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You are
viewing this site in a browser other than the glorious, almighty Internet
Explorer. 


abunchofstupiddumbsucks.com
takes advantage of you and the non-standard features provided by Internet
Explorer.

We hate
you and your free thinking kind. We invite you to become a mindless borg
drone and download and get screwed up the ass by a copy of Internet Explorer. 
We look forward to your return visit as a worshiper of Bill Gates.

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Welcome To yet another poorly designed web
site.

This site is incorrectly detecting that you
have an old browser because we are clueless. We use features such as integrated
BSODing and hard drive formatting that may not occur in your browser. To
enjoy these features you may wish to upgrade to Microsorft Internet Exploiter
5 or worse. Click somewhere around here to continue.

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HI! and GOOD
BY! Access denied! 

When we designed
this site IE 5.0 was the only browser that could do the stupid tricks we
use on our page. We just don’t care that every other browser on the planet
would otherwise work fine now. Get lost. Haven’t you gone away yet?

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You may continue
viewing this page, but we don’t like web browsers whose name starts with
a „K“. Or operating systems whose names start with an „L“.

This
page has been brought to you by the letters „M“ and „S“. 

4 komentáře: „Něco pro zasmání

  • avatar
    01. 03. 2007 (07:21)
    Trvalý odkaz

    Tie hlášky sú fakt dosť dobré. Inak musel si sa uhľadať na smrť, veď je ich neslušne veľa :-)

  • avatar
    01. 03. 2007 (08:21)
    Trvalý odkaz

    Tie hlášky sú fakt dosť dobré. Inak musel si sa uhľadať na smrť, veď je ich neslušne veľa :-)

  • avatar
    01. 03. 2007 (07:33)
    Trvalý odkaz

    Já ne – je to převzato z jiných stránek. Viz. nahoře. Nějaké hlášky mě fakt uzemnily.

  • avatar
    01. 03. 2007 (08:33)
    Trvalý odkaz

    Já ne – je to převzato z jiných stránek. Viz. nahoře. Nějaké hlášky mě fakt uzemnily.

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